It's almost summer.........this will be my first actual free summer in years.........no school, no new baby yet, no classes, no workshops, i'm excited.............will i be bored or will i have so much fun i wont want to go back?!! The only thing i wish and want more than anything at this point is a real vacation with my family, unfortunately my husband tends to not like planning vacations and finds it difficult to plan around his busy summer schedule..........maybe i will get to sneak one in, he seems to be more open to it this year than ever and promises me he will try to make more time to be available to livi and i, but it is one of those things you have to actually see to believe!! :) I always thought it was funny because he is a master at planning youth events and coming up with great ideas to do with the teens, yet he never wants to plan anything for the family! Weird..........
I have lots of things already on my to-do list for the summer. I have a leak in my dining room window that i have to figure out and i have a leak in my kitchen ceiling, that is most likely coming from the bathroom above it. so i have to seal the tub and buy a new shower door (mine is broken) and my dad says i am going to have to scrape the water damaged wall and re-plaster.......never done that before .............but i'm sure it will be a good time to learn!:) i just hope that fixes the leak! (this is thrilling stuff to read i know, it is more for me so i can remember what i have to do........sorta my running list)
Anyway, i'm a slacker and still have not finished livi's new room, I have to hang curtains and rods, blinds, put knobs on the dresser and put two shelving units together, it seems to take forever when you are working alone, so i will gladly take any volunteers!!! Another thing i want to tackle is the third floor...............right now it is just used for storage and i would like to put the guest bed up and get that room set up for out of town guests or friends who need a place to crash, i'd also like to have all my materials in one place and set up, so whenever i feel like creating i can without a two day hunt to track down canvas, paint, chalk, etc.........
I'm sure i'll add more to the list, but that is a good start.............oh i just remembered, my yard, i have to do something with this crazy yard!
Moving on..............................
I am going to get my new to me car tomorrow.........i'm pretty excited, and it is a proud moment for me, knowing that i am paying for half of it on my own and i am keeping my payments under 150 a month, i dont pay over 150 a month for anything and for some reason that is important to me..................
Lots of drama has been going on at school lately, i dont know where i should stand, alot of changes are going to be happening next year, there will be 9 (i think) teachers and almost 100 more kids..............we are already the biggest elementary school in the district, it may be pretty crazy.................but change is always exciting
At this point, alot of inner drama is going on with elections for the decision making committee for our school, there seems to some unfairness and it seems that the primary and intermediate teachers are always pitted against one another which makes things hard, people are going behind backs and trying to sway others including the principal in important decisions for next year..........and unfortunately it is pretty one sided or at least it SEEMS that way.
So.............i know i am jumping from topic to topic, but all these things just keep coming to mind............even if they are meaningless...........
I was sitting and listening to an old 80's song the other day and i swear if i closed my eyes i was back in that decade, the feel, the smells, the sounds and no worries...................it was a really surreal moment............i remembered things that i havent remembered in a long time.................if you know me, you know i do not have a great memory of childhood unless it is provoked and then i dont know where the memories come from, they must be stored away up there somewhere!
So i'm in my second trimester, set to have my first (and usually only) ultrasound june 4th. Today i felt the baby moving around alot, felt like someone was poking me with a pen from the inside, or a bubble popping. just little movements........
I'm alot more worried with this pregnancy than i was with olivia, but i'm also not as cautious, i eat junk, i probably have too much caffeine and apparently i am more anemic than i was with livi, but dislike taking an iron pill. Dont know why.............
In church this morning............i was sitting and listening and jobe said the verse about oaks of righteousness..............without even thinking, my instant response was a roll of my eyes and a slight twitch.................i know all you former oak harborites will know exactly what i am talking about, but i had to catch myself, because each time it was mentioned it gave me a crazy nervous twitch and i automatically tuned out............is it habit? that verse, i know is a great verse, but it does not have the same meaning to me, since it was used to establish a church that hurt and damaged me and many people that i love............so instantly i think, is that what oaks of righteousness look like, because i want nothing to do with that......................
So after that got my attention, he went on to talk about spiritual battles, that the spiritual battle is what creates the hurt and tension between us, so we need to realize what we are up against and if we have someone that we hurt or someone that hurt us, it is the spiritual forces at work against us and we need to be aware and go to the person with have issues with..............( i think i summarized that correctly??) So my question is, what if it is a leader who hurt you, and several others, and refused to talk to you about it, refused to accept your inquiry about what was happening, refused to approach the conflict with dignity? When that said spiritual leader, just ignores you and your hurt or inclination, calls you names, using information against you and just waits for you to go away....................what then? Is that spiritual warfare? How many times do you go to someone? Now i understand why that person wanted to ignore me, i was hurt and angry, and i wanted some answers and wanted to be heard..................but i dont know...........is it sad that this still comes up? I swear i dont ever bring it up, it always just appears out of nowhere, its not like i sit and dwell on the past, but this morning just tipped it off, with the whole "oaks of righteousness" stuff...........................i guess that means its still not over for me.......................i dont know..................there are still issues to be resolved, but arent there always issues to be resolved??!! :)
(do you see that i am reverting back to old writing habits with my dot dot dot dot dot dots......................... :) it must be reflex when this crazy stuff comes up!)
Anyway..............i always wanted to have it all together by the time i had kids, so i could give them a better life and be a better example than i had, but i'm starting to think i'm never going to have it all together, i just pray that my lack of togetherness doesnt scar my children, but may they learn from my life lessons as i learn them..................and know they dont have to have it all together either, but just willing to learn throughout their entire lives.....................
Goodnight for now.........i think i've shared enough ramblings for now............dreamland is waiting, i hope keith urban is my boyfriend again............that was a nice dream.............i got to fly in that one too and live on an island with special powers...............(wonder where i got that from!)
love yous!
