My 4 snow days..........

Never in the history of my life have i ever had four snow days and all of them right in a row! Outrageous! Unfortunately there are rumors of them taking them from our spring break,but i dont know. We usually tack the time onto the end of the day and just make our days longer, but that sucks, 7:45-3:00 is already long enough for 5 year olds! But i am almost positive they wont put them at the end of the year because they must must must make up that lost time BEFORE testing or else the world will end and our children will explode at test time, or at least that is how it seems. There is sooooo much emphasis on testing that i know longer am allowed to teach authentically or use applied assessments, but everything must be written in the form of a standardized test and the only thing i have time to teach my kids is how to respond on a test. Even in kindergarten, we must have multiple choice and open response questions for everything we teach. And i must follow the formula to teach them how to respond. Now i understand the government makes these tests so significant and the only thing our district can do to survive in the state is teach the test, but i truly and honestly believe they are going about it the wrong way. Instead of teaching kindergartens testing skills or just enough knowledge to spit it back out in the manner they want to hear it, they should start from the beginning and let the children learn concretely, through their development and emphasize hands on, applied learning and then maybe they would be able to apply what they have learned and respond appropriately on a test! Maybe their lack of background knowledge and experience because of their economic status or transient nature also hinders them and we should provide a rich education for them to be able to compete with the wealthier schools that have support coming out their ears! Maybe it is not about just what i teach and following a formula, but knowing each child and supporting them in their explorations of the world and providing a safe and educationally rich place to do that. I admit we have the odds stacked against us most days, but Mr. kentucky government, you cant keep taking away our funding! We already are overworked and underpaid, dont take programs aways from our needy kids, dont start taking from the kids too!! We are used to having things cut, but when you start taking from the kids, then you are going to get very unhappy teachers.

Wow that took a turn I didn’t expect! I wasn’t planning on writing all that, sorry for the tangent.

Anyway, so over these four days I have figured out why I cant keep up with my house cleaning, because it is an absolute full time job to clean up after my daughter and my husband. Since I already have a full time job, I don’t feel so bad now about never feeling like I could keep up with my housework! I have mopped the floors everyday, swept everyday, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned toys, cleaned the kitchen, etc. etc. etc. Just keeping up with the trail of stuff my daughter and my husband leave behind is crazy, and they are home all day! The plus side, is I was home to cook all three meals a day, so I was doing a lot of dishes too, but I could make sure my family was eating well, (and I wasn’t worried about what jimi was feeding Olivia) and it was a lot of fun! Thanks for all the wonderful recipes tracy!

So I got to spend a lot of time in my kitchen this week, and by the sound of things you would think I had never used an over before. You just gotta hear this……….So I was preparing to make some fruit pizza for dessert on Wednesday, I preheated the oven and went on preparing the fruit, then I noticed that my oven was smoking and giving off into a strange odor. I opened the oven door thinking my oven was broken, but instead I saw melting plastic, I had forgotten I had stored some large plastic bowls inside my oven! And they were now a puddle of goo! It was a mess and the house was filled with smoke! Livi and I bundled up and opened the doors and windows and tried to clean up. Needless to say, I now have a unusable wire rack. Do they sell oven racks individually, because I’m going to need a new one.

So that was incident number one…………yep, you guessed it, there’s more……… ☺ So Friday morning I was making some eggs for breakfast, I put the burner on warm while I was serving them to jimi and Olivia and I guess I didn’t return the pan to the burner, but we were all sitting down eating in the dining room when jimi said, “Do you smell that?” I didn’t smell anything, but he said he thought something was burning and then livi goes ooooooooo, I looked in the kitchen and saw a fire on the stove! Apparently, jimi had put a towel on top of the stove and the burner was still on so the towel went up in flames! So then I was stuck cleaning up ashes from the burning towel.

I felt so stupid, I promise I do cook and I do know how to use an oven! ☺

And another plus about my unexpected time off, stuck in the house, is that I got to spend it with Olivia. Now she wont leave me alone, since daddy works most of the time, it was just her and I and we had a blast, and now she is used to all mommy’s attention, I’m afraid she is going to have trouble transitioning back to daddy next week! She has been a complete mommy’s girl!

I’m afraid of what I am going to walk into on Monday, but I’m excited about what the next couple of weeks might bring. But it’s late and I’m hungry, so I am going to get a snack, make some superbowl snacks, and head to bed eventually!

Here's my 25......

i never do these because i dont usually have time to think that much, but with 4 snow days, i had some time..............so here you go...............
1. my full name is Kathryn, I was named after my great grandma. My daughter is named for both of her great grandmas.

2. I don’t scare easy. I love love love horror movies. I love blood and guts! I think I should have been a nurse!

3. i met my husband when i was 15. He has been one of my best friends since. But we only dated a few months before we were engaged.

4. i have a beautiful little girl and I overanalyze what kind of mother I am and constantly worry about her development and raising a responsible child.

5. i loved being pregnant, I miss feeling the baby kick inside my belly.

6. i love to eat out! it can become an addiction. but i dont do it nearly as much as i used to. I like to cook too, as long as I have a good recipe and a plan.

7. i have always thought I was fat.

8. i love to be outdoors, it is my sanctuary.

9. i like cars, I know how to drive a stick and prefer it. I like being able to talk about cars. I like learning how they work. I also like riding in cars. Road trips with the windows down!

10. i have a girl crush on Jennifer love Hewitt and a man crush on wrestler John Cena. I asked my husband last week if he could be my freebie. ☺

11. I have never broken a bone .

12. i love to dance. I do so on a daily basis. My daughter loves it!

13.my husband and I hang out with teenagers a lot. (He is a youth pastor) It keeps me young! I hope and pray that my experiences can help them as they go through these strange years of their life.

14. i've always worked with children. i teach kindergarten. i love what i do and only put up a fight to make it better.

15. i miss college on a daily basis. :) aahhhhhhhh….simple days..

16. if you offer me chocolate, i cant say no. (SO don’t offer me chocolate! ☺)

17. i love watching tv, i love veging out and forgetting about my life for an hour or two.

18. i was an art major before i landed in education. I still find painting therapeutic and expressive.

19. My grandma and grandpa are my favorite people in the world. Married for 60 years last year.

20. i am an hgtv junkie. I have a home improvement to do list a mile long so my husband keeps threatening to take away cable. He is so not a handy manny.

21. I have never worried about money, I just assume it will be there. ☺

22. i know when to say "no." if there is something I don’t want to do. i'm actually very good at it.

23. i am honest. i cant lie to save my life. But I have a great bullcrap radar. So don’t lie to me, I see right through you!

24. I am currently reading, “the shack” and it has moved mountains in my life.

25. I love my husband more today than I did the day we were married.

it takes time.........

Through life i have been through alot of crap, since i was young the church and i didnt seem to get along, i have always loved the people in it, well most of them :), but i didnt necessarily agree with all the doctrine and decrees and ways of doing things. I met my very best friends at church (the friends that wont go away!) :) and i have met the people i have hated the most in that very same place (i know i am not supposed to say hate, especially about god's people, but they are the ones that have deeply hurt me) With all that said, i dont remember the last time i have been comfortable in a church. I remember trying to fit in at oak, but they were typical church people, though most masked themselves as accepting, loving followers. I remember trying to fit in at college, going from church to church, but never finding somewhere to call home. So i just joined the ministry teams and traveled church to church serving in various creative ministries living the good life that never got stale, i never had to sit in a pew. Since i was a teen i was always serving. As a teen i worked with the preschoolers, as a collegiate i worked with youth and various other creative ministries, it was when i got married that i started viewing ministry as a burden, or maybe it was just the church we were serving in that made it such a burden. That mindset has been tough to change, but i have set out on the long journey to a new perspective. It has been years since i have felt at home, within myself, within my home and within the church. My anger and bitterness exaggerated the negative aspects of the life of ministry and marriage and buried me in an even deeper hole. I say all of this to say, that i feel like i am finally somewhere where i can love, learn and grow. It has taken a great amount of time to get there and patience from everyone around me, which i thank you for, but i feel like my worldview is shifting just alittle bit. I think it may come from being not so stressed out with school and worry too! :) I have been able to enjoy my little family and reflect on what's important, i have been able to be a little bit more hands on in my husbands ministry along with balancing my own mission with being a reflection of God to my children at school and help those needy little hands know that anything is possible. I have to keep my mission center stage, which is so difficult with the demands of current public education and a new superintendent. Anyway, like i said in a few posts ago, FINALLY.

Finally i have found a place of loving patience, where they may want to shake me and say, "you need to get over it and get on with it girl!" but they dont, they let me gradually find my place. I dont know if i found my place there at church, but i know i am closer than i was, and i like it there, i like the people, they are not pretentious and they respect my husband. They do not demand his every minute(not like they have to, because they already have it) and trust his vision and with that came the fruit of that trust and vision combined. The kids!!!

I'm a little scared to even speak good words, for fear i might be eating them soon there after, but i'm going to risk it and say i'm finally in a good place, in a good church with a genuine heart. That is something i believe in, as the body, there must be heart, and it must have a strong beat to survive, not a lot of people, not alot of money, not the newest, nicest things, but a strong heart beat and i hear and feel it there, almost audibly. Each week i feel a little bit more, the numbness fades a little bit more and here i am starting to let my heart bleed on my sleeve and somehow it feels good.

i'm not sure if i am even doing it justice, but know, for all you old friends (the ones that wont go away) I will never be the same as i used to be, but i am not as bitter as i was, i am new. i am not sure what that means.
And for the youthers, i love you, you feel like home. Dont take that the wrong way, but you are my school kids in 10 years. My kids are you as 4 and 5 year olds. I wasnt built for church work, church kids, not my thing, so i am soooo excited that you are not church kids and you are who you are and i love you. I cant wait to spend more time with you and hopefully get to know you girlies a little more through the new reset small group. yes yes, i'm actually going to be back leading a small group, and i'm excited!

so for now i'll stop, for fear of ruining my reputation of being tough!
HA!

i love this book.....

so i've been really tired lately, some of it is because i just cant go to bed at night because i cant put down this book. i think i am the last one to read it, but i love it. (BTW shakira sings really weird, watching the inauguration ball as i type this) Anyway, distraction. (is she really playing the harmonica??? sorry, i'm turning it off) Well, where was i ...........oh yeah............i love "The Shack." I'm about midway through, where he meets God.................as a large african american woman, now i could probably guess this is controversial to many, but i love it. what a brilliant portrayal. somewhere i heard "God is everything to everyone" and doesnt that say it all. he took the form of this woman to break any stereotypes, or religious conditioning and meet him at a completely unbiased point of view considering his baggage with his earthly father. Yet God, even though in the image of a woman, was still Papa. Because whose visuals of God arent white and male? i know mine are. How crazy to think out of the box, i love this book because it makes me think and question again, in a good way, not in a sinical (spelling??)way, but in an" I really have to think this through" way. How beautiful i find the image and the words when the God says: "IF i choose to appear to you as a man or a woman, it's because i love you." Doesnt that just scream: I'm going to meet you where you are, I am reachable, and you are precious to me! Anyway, to say the least i am enjoying the dialogue in the book, and yes, yes, people i know it is fiction.


This pierced me. A conversation between Mack and God:
"Dont ever think my son that what my son chose to do didnt cost us dearly. Love always leaves a significant mark," she stated softly and gently. "We were there together."
Mack was surprised. "At the cross? Now wait. I thought you left him-you know-'my god, my god, why hast thou fosaken me?"It was a scripture that had often haunted Mack in THE GREAT SADNESS.
"You misunderstood the mystery there. Regardless of what he felt at that moment, I never left him."
"How can you say that? you abandoned him just like you abandoned me!"
"Mackenzie, I have never left him, and I have never left you."
"That makes no sense to me," he snapped.
"I know it doesnt, at least not yet. Will you at least consider this: When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me?"
(KPV:katiepointofview: Wow, i've been there and that makes so much sense! It is so commonsense right?!)
God:
"Dont forget, the story didnt end in his sense of forsakenness. He found his way though it to put himself completely into my hands. Oh, what a moment that was!"

My hope is that my story doesnt end in my sense of forsakenness.
I'm feelin the love a little bit, and its a good day to feel some love, because the love and unity today in this new era and new presidency is amazing. It's electrifying right now and i'm sure it will die down soon. But it is such a special day in our history and for the people of the US. My children even feel it, its like some of the hurdles in front of them have been knocked down and there is no excuses now. They can finally look and see someone that looks like them up there and they have a relatable connection with a hope and a power that ring in their ears, you can do anything, set your dreams high, because anything is possible. Whether you can agree with his politics or not, you can agree with that! :) We are writing letters to President Obama, and they drew a picture of him in one part of the letter today, you should see their pictures! I love it!

See how quick the topic turns............ :)

Again, Speaking off topic: LOST premiere tomorrow! I'm counting down! Come join the LOST premiere party! You know it, another late night!!

i love food......

i'm not ashamed nor am i shy to say that i love to eat, i love love love food. I used to be pretty good about exercise and keeping up a semi decent diet. Well since olivia was born my diet has gone downhill and my exercise routine is almost non existent. I worked out once this week.....whoa what's that gonna do right?! And of course, my husband's bad habits tend to rub off on me because i have no willpower and he is a fast food junkie. And now that i am no longer thinking of being a student and stressed out completely with homework on top of my schoolwork, i have a little bit more time to think about being healthy. i'm so unhappy with my body and how it feels and looks, but i must not be that unhappy if i am not motivated to change it, right? i dont know. i need to get organized. I usually try to plan dinners ahead of time, but i will let you know, i hate going to the grocery store and my husband refuses to go with me, so he will only go pick up a couple of things late at night. So planning most days comes to: what do we have in the house?" then i come home from work and i am super tired and dont really feel like thinking or cooking. So i figure i need to be super organized and prepared with a menu in hand and ingredients that i can reuse on other nights. So i need some easy, healthy recipes and suggestions to get organized. HELP, i love food, i hate being fat, i want to exercise, what do i do?

Ministry...........

A friend of a friend recently asked me: "So what's it like being a youth pastors wife?" I wont tell you what i said, considering people have used things i have written on my blog to incriminate me in the past, but I will tell you how i feel about my husband's ministry. I am so proud of my husband. I know i have said this before, but he is so loyal, compassionate and driven with a vision. My man is a man of integrity and has always had a big heart for God to fill with his visions and dreams of greatness. Though he has always worked toward this greatness, things have not always turned out so great and he always puts his heart and soul into everything he does. disappointment would come it didnt turn out as well as it could or we would try to to see the positives through all the hard work that didnt seem to pay off. Well, finally, he is starting to see some fruits from his efforts. During new years, he had a 40 hour lockin with 80 different kids throughout the two days and 5 baptisms the second night's service. This week the social worker from the high school called him out of the blue to thank him for his work with the kids and the lock in, saying that the kids could not stop talking about how great it was and how they found a place they feel at home. He also got another random call to help set up a teen back to school bash to give free backpacks and supplies to help with the need in the community, because they heard he was doing good things with the teenagers in Norwood. Not to mention the constant texts ( yes, this generation does not talk on the phone at all, they text!) from kids who are saying how much they appreciate him and all they are learning from God or asking the serious questions. These are kids who do not go to church, who havent been in church! The small group is growing to a big group and 5th quarter parties are always crowded. I love my husband and i am so excited for him that all his efforts are paying off. But with all of this growth and greatness, our greatest concern is that someone will slip through the cracks. There are sooooooo many needs and they need a good adult role model to bounce their thoughts off of or someone to just be there and care about what they are going through. But my husband is just one. Thank you God for your faithfulness, but bring some faithful ones alongside to carryout your great mission and provide for ALL of your children.
All in all, i am shocked, stunned and stand in awe of what is going on. I am so overwhelmed at the same time. And the only word that comes to mind is: FINALLY.
We are in our own community and he is connecting and making a difference, a big difference. i cant describe how i feel, maybe grateful and proud of my wonderful husband and all of his work. Even though i complain that we dont get much time together as a couple or a family, he is doing what he loves, is passionate about and he is doing, and making a difference in this community. Working on his legacy!
Vision is becoming tangible. You gotta love that!

Autopilot

Have you ever drove home, got there, and wondered if you ran any red lights and you cant remember how you got there? about a month and half ago i found a new way to come home from school through town, and i like it, its different and a little quicker, not as many lights, you know the important stuff, because when you drive the same route everyday, you analyze these things, well at least i do. Anyway, so about 3 times, i automatically went the old route and didnt even realize where i was and what i was doing until i was almost on the highway. Then it was like i just woke up, and i was like, where am i and why did i go this way, did i run any red lights? Autopilot. Automatic autopilot. I cant believe i can be so unconscious while doing something so important. And of course it got me thinking, how scary to go through life on autopilot. And be that the trend for me this year thus far is reflection, i started thinking about the past year. i was so caught up in the "busy" that i was living without thinking, reflecting and most times even feeling. I hate that. I admit the past year has been completely busy trying to go to school, teach school, be a good mom wife friend etc. etc. but that is no excuse to live without thinking. Life is fleeting, it hits home more today than ever as we deal with the passing of a friend. What a wonderful short life she had and her legacy will live on. So my reflective mode lives on as i reflect on my own life and the legacy i want to leave, and you cant leave a legacy on autopilot, only with much thought, reflection and refinement can we be who God made us to be and be better than we are, the best version of ourselves. I'm going to stop now, because i am starting to sound like a self help book! Be in the moment today, then at the end of the day reflect what those moments brought!

Olivia's journal

I used to journal alot, I mean like everyday! I cant remember the last time i wrote or journaled. In this new year i want to begin a new journal. An olivia journal. I am taking the idea from my friend erin, who writes to her unborn little boy on her blog (thanks erin!), and from a mom who had cancer who knew she would not be around to watch her daughter grow up. i think, even though i am not currently dying (that i know of), this is a great idea anyway. What a wonderful thing for her to have as she grows, reflections and words of wisdom (maybe:) from her mother. And hopefully give me, as her mother, an outlet to reflect upon life, our interactions and how much i love and cherish my little girl. It could even be a way to teach her to pray, considering my journals were prayer journals. So i think this might be a step in the direction of being a better mother in 2009.
I was driving home from my grandma's house this evening with livi in the backseat almost asleep. She had played and ran around with her cousin Ayla all evening. Ayla was being pretty mean at points in the evening, but being that she is not my daughter and she is 2 and 1/2 years old there wasnt much i could do, because livi wanted to follow her and do whatever she did. i had some conversations with Ayla but of course it didnt change much of her brattiness. Driving home, i was reflecting on what i saw that evening, remembering the evening, what i could say to livi in those situations as she gets older to help her stand up for herself but at the same time be respectful and not bully. i reflected on life with my grandma and how much time i used to spend with her when i was little. My grandmas had many grandchildren, but she always made me feel special. She is one of my favorite people in the world. My grandma lived right down the street when i was little, so i spent many days, "going to grandma's". (sidenote: isnt weird how it is always grandmas house and grandpa always gets left out, but he lives there too) anyway, i learned alot from my grandma, she invested in me. I want to invest in my livi, and make sure she knows her family loves her, especially her mother. I never truly appreciated my family until i grew up and had my own. And some of my writings olivia may not appreciate until she gets older, but i hope it is something she cherishes throughout her life.
well, i have published my goal of journaling frequently, so hopefully my idea wont fall away and i will be able to accomplish my goal. i love you livi, more than you will ever know.

my 2009 theme song.......

What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith


'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back


Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Goodbye 2008

In 2008, my little girl celebrated her first birthday and magically went from baby to toddler way too fast
In 2008, i looked to get out of my current job situation, but decided to give it one more year
In 2008, I changed my mind about my job situation and decided to look at another option, being montessori, and go back to school again
I jumped in with both feet excitedly
In 2008, the rug was pulled out from under me and now i am stuck again in my current job situation, doing things i dont agree with
In 2008, i started to attend church semi frequently and started to become semi comfortable where i am
In 2008, my husband became heavily invested in the youth of norwood through grace church and his loyalty to his vision makes me proud and disappointed at the same time, for he is doing so much good, though it takes alot of his time and energy and something that i dont feel very much apart of
In 2008, i watched friends fall in love, get married, have babies, lose babies, go through trials, but never lose their footing
in 2008, i got stressed out
in 2008, I missed spending time with my friends, but spent alot of time with my family
In 2008, i found more favorite tv shows
In 2008, i painted three rooms in my house (with help)
in 2008, i wanted to organize my house, but never could tackle the task
in 2008, I listened to more country music than ever and missed college (ahh simple days)
in 2008, we discussed when to grow our family
In 2008, my husband planned a whole weekend around my birthday, showing me he thinks about me
In 2008, i gained 4 pounds
In 2008, I meet Jesse and his wife at the airport, it was completely special to me
in 2008, I ignored my spiritual struggles
In 2008, i am still in debt for two degrees and thinking about going to school again?? really ......really........seriously??!
In 2008, i love my husband more than the year before and less than i will next year
In 2008, i did not vote (ssshhhhh! dont tell)and was so annoyed that i didnt care
In 2008, my cat brought a dead mouse to bed with him ( in my bed!!)
In 2008, I didnt want to be involved
In 2008, I sit here on my couch as the new year turns yet another year.......kiss kiss tiger, at least my cat is here to share it with me! ha!
In 2009, I hope to be a better wife, mother, teacher, lover (that one's for you honey! ha!), daughter, listener, friend, and prayerer (not a word, but i couldnt think of a better one)
I want to follow my heart and be more aware, I want to leave a legacy starting now. I just have to decide what legacy i want to leave and continue my journey. My journey seems to be never ending but ever changing. So its time to take out the trash!
More thoughts on 2009..........later...........