conversation

I generally enjoy conversation, but i have noticed that if there is no chance of it going any deeper or really getting honest, instead of the polite how are ya, i am disinterested. Am i just rude or does everyone feel that way. Now i can have complete conversations about nothing, or joke around for hours, but i am unable to do that with just anyone. I am able to open up and spill the beans and get to a deeper place in an instant in a conversation with some, but others it is just niceties (is that a word?) and there is no chance of it going any further. I wonder why that is? Is it a defensiveness, is it chemistry, is it trust? OR am i just crazy? Anyway, I say all this to say i have been waiting for a couple of weeks to have a conversation with my husband that involves more than two sentences. Its been a little busy around the bird house (haha) and we have been just missing each other. we pass each other in the doorway basically and many others need him in conversation more than i do. and i have been boiling over with stress and thoughts. I have been exhausted and confused. And tonight he snuck out of the lock in for an hour so we could go grab some dessert and have a conversation (shhhh) Isnt that sweet! Anyway, i finally get my thoughts out and the stress of mulling over it in my head and you know what he says................as much as you talked to me about this, you probably should talk to God about it. You know that is the last thing i wanted to hear and i hate when he turns all pastor on me, but i have to begrudgingly admit that he is probably right. UGH! Did i just say that!? The funny thing is that all through the conversation i kept saying, " i just dont know who to talk to or where to start?" UUHHHH DDUUUHHH...................I also remember saying, i just need someone to sit down and listen to the whole story so i can explain it and trust that its possible...........................
now you may not know what the conversation was about, but everyone can see the irony in all this right?!
Then i went to back to the lock in for a few minutes and sarah w. was going to share her story, so i decided to stay a little bit longer, and i have to say wow, it took me until i was 22 years old to share my story with a sanctuary full of teens and she did as a teen. and i still get crazy nervous speaking in front of anyone over 6 years old. anyway, i was super impressed and it was really cute because she even wrote little notes to refer to to keep her on track. Anyway, she said something that just shot through me. I love that she even said it. She said, Be aware! God uses even the littlest of things, but you have to be aware to notice them, be aware! Another DUH! I love how she told her story because she told about the struggles and trials, but only focused on how grateful she was that God brought her from them and spoke to her through them and that HE made it evident to her that HE hears her.................and listens.........
So is it screaming to you yet? Do you think HE might want me to talk to him, do you think he is going to listen, that he hears, and he is ready to lead as long as i am aware?
So my motto tonight: "Say what you need to say"
Whether it be you saying what you need to say to God, or you saying what you need to say to someone else, or God saying what he needs to say to me, or you,
Just .............."Say what you need to say"
Life is too short not to have conversation...........................